"How Dare You!" Insidious Ways Women Are (Mis)Treated – By Dr. Lucy Papillon
The #MeToo Movement: a Memoir, Experiences of Others and How to Heal
When Hope Can Kill – By Dr. Lucy Papillon
How Hope Keeps you with the Wrong Person
Reclaim Your Soul for the Right Person
Excerpt from Chapter 1:
You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You
My Story
The seed that is to grow
Must lose itself as seed
And they that creep
May graduate through
Chrysalis to wings
Wilt thou, then,
O mortal,
Cling to husks
Which falsely seem to you
The Self?
– Anonymous
"This is a freeway, Jonathan. Don't stop right here… please!"
I was getting more nauseated by the minute, both from fear and from the frantic stopping and starting.
Jonathan yelled, "Get serious. I'll stop anywhere I want. Stop that controlling stuff, right now! I mean it, you idiot. Don't you know better than to try to do that by now?"
He turned sharply into the next lane, barely missing a moving van. I noticed I was hanging onto the purse in my lap, as if that could assuage the terror I was feeling.
"Quit hurting me, you're slamming me against the head rest with your stops and starts. Just go off the next exit and let me drive. You've had too much to drink."
I'd said it, the one thing I knew would set him into a full-on rage. It had slipped out, I was petrified now.
“Oh, so now you’re going to try to tell me I’m drunk. You are just an unbelievable bitch. I should never have taken you on this trip. I won’t make that mistake again. And besides, you are going to regret you ever opened your mouth. I’ll make sure of that.”
I was beyond sick to my stomach now. I was barely sitting up. As soon as he started yelling, it confirmed I’d crossed the line. He just kept piercing me with his knife-like words. I had no defense against what he was saying. He had gone straight into my soul. He might as well have literally cut me deeply. I was certainly bleeding internally with a sense of loss, not just of him, but of my self. I’d given me over long ago and now, the more I was with him, the more it became clear that what I thought was the solution to my having given me up only deepened my loss of me.
You’re going to hit that tree, Jonathan. Watch out! What are you doing?”
I ducked, thinking I could save my soul by saving the part of my body getting ready to be hit directly by a tree.
“Listen, you sorry substitute for a real woman, get out of the car, just get out! I can’t stand to look at you one more second.”
Oh my, I thought, how can I tolerate this pain? It is only getting worse and now he is throwing me out. I noticed I’d stopped breathing. It seemed safer that way. Just lose consciousness, and then maybe the pain will stop for awhile. It was indescribable, the mass mixture of feelings I was having, mostly terror and enormous pain, invading every cell of my body. I had nothing left of me, just an overwhelming sense of despair. What I had always been able to use was escaping me now – the life-sustaining force of hope. It had pulled me through other less traumatic moments, couldn’t it assist me now? I couldn’t find it. I was devastated to realize that my arduous but infallible task of finding hope in every situation was failing me now. I couldn’t secure a spot in his heart, no matter what I said. He was gone.
“It’s dark, Jonathan. I have nowhere to go.”
I was raw from hurting so deeply and for so long, not just tonight, but many nights during the past years. It was hopeless, what a concept, me without hope. That had never happened.
“That’s not my problem. Just leave. You make me sick. Get the hell out of this car. Now.”
This romantic partner was supposed to fill the gaping hole that I had had in my soul for many years. He was to save me from having to face such a vacuous hole. I had counted on it, I had hoped for it, in fact, hope was the most prevalent feeling I had called on over these many years, it was etched into my heart as the one thing I could count on to pull me through anything. It was failing me now. How come?
My story is one of rediscovery. I knew that what I had lost had to be found, but I didn't know where to begin my search. I had given up my precious essence, my soul, so long ago, hoping that I would get love, be loved, feel I was lovable. Now, where was I to begin to learn how to get acquainted with that soul, embrace it and treasure it?
If you find yourself in this same dilemma, I ask that you stay with me through the whole process, every small step of the way, for what I know for certain is that you too will discover what I had to open to: that the barren place within me could eventually be a place filled with abundance. It took enormous faith. You must find that faith within you, too, faith that it is possible to regain your own soul and make it the foundational place from which everything else emerges.
Testimonials – What People Are Saying
"This book, simply put, is an amazing read – not only is it a page-turner of a story but a powerful manual for healing. If you have ever loved and then had your heart shattered when you least expected it, this is your book no matter where you are. When Hope Can Kill is mandatory reading. You cannot read this book and come away unchanged."
– Chantal Westerman,
GOOD MORNING AMERICA
"This is an important and desperately needed book aimed not just at the woman in an abusive relationship but at anyone who has ever used hope as a self-deception."
– Susan Campbell, Ph.D.
, author of The Couple's Journey
Five Stars
"Takes You On An Important Journey"
"When Hope Can Kill" is a must for anyone who is or has been in any relationship where they feel devalued, emotionally or physically hurt, voiceless and powerless. I have read many books on abuse, specifically verbal abuse, that were great at identifying abusive behaviors, characteristics of an abuser or encouragements for those in toxic relationships. This book is different. It is the first book that I have come across that addresses the issues of why someone may find themselves in damaging relationships. It is not just a book. It is a workbook that takes you through important thought provoking questions and exercises to help you get in touch with your soul. It helps you rediscover who you are instead of letting a loved one's hurtful words and actions define you. I believe this book pushes you to think for yourself and move beyond hope. As I have found, sometimes hope can keep you stuck. You hope things will change yet you are afraid to take action and be the force that creates the change for your own life.
Dr. Papillon's expertise and first hand experience with "soul mugging" relationships helped her to create a wonderful tool to help individuals learn about themselves, discover why they find themselves in relationships that are so emotionally damaging, and reclaim their soul. She takes you through a journey of self-examination and then guides you along as you develop a renewed sense of self and strength. I am continually amazed by her ability to identify specific feelings that I am experiencing through this process. At times I would find myself so confused, emotionally numb or in such deep despair that I felt completely alone. Then I would read her reflections after a series of exercises and be completely surprised to find that she knew exactly what I was feeling at that particular time. It helps to know that someone can truly identify with the pain I'm experiencing and can help guide me through it.
I am grateful that I have found this source of guidance. Reading all the other books I felt like a helpless victim but as I started to read this book and work through the questions and exercises I began to feel empowered. Empowered to feel I can make choices and be in control of my life. I never believed I was enough just as I was or that I deserved to have what I truly wanted so I accepted what I believed I deserved. I didn't value myself first so I allowed others to treat me the same way; therefore, it wasn't by chance that I entered into relationships that mugged my soul. This book can help you work through those damaging messages, take action instead of hoping for something different and help you accept and love the beautiful person you were created to be.
It hasn't been easy but I have grown and learned so much about myself through this process. I still have a long way to go but I am excited to see what else unfolds. It is not a quick, easy process but this book will take you on one of the most important journeys of your life. Allow yourself that gift!"
– Amber, Amazon.com January 4, 2012
"Lucy Papillon's passion and clarity are a gift that could quite literally save your life. Her book reaches to the soul of every woman and man staying in an abusive relationship, hoping it will change. This crucially important book shows people how they can free themselves from self-destructive patterns."
– Susan Page
, author of Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive
Turning Terror To Triumph
– by Dr. Lucy Papillon
Dr. Papillon's critically-acclaimed book presents a proven way to retain control, gain solice, and keep inner peace in the face of today's often horrific news events.
Amazing Grace from Seven Verses in Psalms
On the day the world changed, terror became rampant. For thousands of years those who wanted to restore their lives turned to Grace in the form of Verses from Psalms. This book by Dr. Lucy Papillon is the answer to prayers prayed since the world as we knew it came to a halt. On September 11, the normalcy of our lives was punctuated by dramatic devastation that shocked and angered us.
As we watched and waited for the recovery of life from the rubble, we knew that more had changed than the New York skyline. One of the great truths of this time is that there is an emptiness in the soul of modern humanity. As one person in a recent survey put it: "9-11 has left a hole – a 'Ground Zero' – in my soul."
A search for answers is pervasive. Yet, response to such human horror and atrocity ultimately takes the shape of questions that we have no answers for. Finally we scream to no one in particular that we must have a word from God.
Because of the terror associated with September 11, religious movements are exploding. People are turning to spirituality as never before, not necessarily housed in buildings because old forms must mutate into new ones as we make our way through these moments lived in utter disbelief.
As we look for ways to assuage our panic, not only about the future but about any personal struggle or turmoil we are experiencing in our lives, TURNING TERROR TO TRIUMPH – AMAZING GRACE FROM SEVEN VERSES IN PSALMS is a perfect resource for solace, comfort, and the peace that passes understanding.
Psalm 23:6
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
In the aftermath of one of the worst atrocities we have ever experienced, we are called to turn to our faith in an even more profound way than we had ever expected to. We are asked to focus on the goodness and mercy that can follow us. We cry out in anguish, though, “how can we even think about words like these when such horrors have occurred?” Yet, it is in this time of greatest struggle that we must bring these words to mind. Faith becomes personal only when it is all we have to cling to.
When we stay in fear, we lose the perspective of what God is, who God is in our lives and what God can do through us. Jesus never lost sight of what God was for Him or what these words meant. Nor did He forget what God was able to do on earth due to Jesus’ being completely committed. Jesus never lost sight of who He was as the Son of God. He understood that goodness and mercy would follow Him no matter what. He was chosen to present the Presence everywhere He went.
Jesus has said – we can do even more than He. Can we? Will we? Keep in mind that goodness and mercy can show up in many different forms. We must be ready to accept our goodness, even when it looks like a cross. We have to be able to recognize mercy, even as we deny we yearn for its gifts. When we can do these things, we will definitely be experiencing what these words are.
We think we know how “mercy” and “goodness” will manifest in our lives. We imagine, for example, that goodness means we will never have to feel pain, never have to experience suffering. If that is so, how come Jesus’ life wasn’t free of these (We are always to dwell in the house of the Lord.) things? Did He not suffer on the cross? Yet, Jesus said that goodness and mercy would follow us the rest of our lives. It was the way Jesus walked through His human pain, “Not my will but Thine be done,” that made all the difference in His experience of life.
It is the last part of this verse, though, that completes our understanding of how this verse ministers to our turning terror into triumph. When we dwell in the house of the Lord – not just some of the time and not just in the midst of great horror, but all the time – we will know the peace that comes with that kind of steadfast obedience to our faith.
We can take from this verse that as long as we allow God to be our guide, direct our every step, dwell with us, we need not be terrorized. The Source of our life will carry us through all things. God is with us always. When we keep our attention on that knowing, it is inevitable that we will experience goodness and mercy accompanying us the entire journey.
(Solace is always present.)
Never leave the inner realm, that Kingdom of Heaven within you, if you want to have the kind of Grace that can be found even (or especially) in the midst of chaos and turmoil. It is available anytime that you turn to that temple where God dwells. Do so now. Pray for and simultaneously be grateful for the solace you need. It is already present, it only takes turning your focus to that inner place of silence for it to be recognized.
(Let no one remove you from where you are born to reside.)
Continue to return there whenever fear begins to attempt to inhabit you. You are not a place for fear. Realize how it is not welcome in the holiest of all places, God within your Being. And, it is up to you to guard your realm, keeping away all unwanted experiences.
What are you willing to do to keep this peace? Let no one (or event) remove you from where you were born to reside. Only you can prevent any intruders, be they unwanted feelings or actual human beings. As you accept that goodness and mercy are with you always and that you do dwell with God no matter what, terror dissolves and triumph reigns.
Testimonials – What People Are Saying
"One of the beautiful advantages of this book is that it will be valuable to all those who are undergoing any traumatic situation. I certainly found that to be true for me. It is a day-to-day guide for overcoming all of life's upsets and occasions for terror. Truly this book is an amazing act of grace in allowing people to have the benefit of wise and Godly counsel. Thank you for this gift."
– Betty,
Artist Songwriter
"What a landmark book for me. I terrorize myself more than the media, other people, events, or situations terrify me. This book gave me tools to quit that self-destructive behavior and begin to focus on what can truly calm me down and provide me with an ongoing sense of great peace. I am grateful to you."
– Neal
, CEO of a major company
