Where Is Your Love?

What I have noticed over the years I have been a spiritual director/clinical psychologist is that people talk a lot about their love for their parents, siblings, spouses, friends – but they hardly ever speak of their love for themselves. When asked, they say – "Oh, I'm so hard on myself, I expect so much…" as if that is an excuse not to love themselves. In other words, they give great space for their friends not to be perfect, to forget, rarely call and still they love them. How about your mistakes, your forgetting to call or ignoring a call from someone you are upset with – that NEVER goes unnoticed by you, you are talking in terrible ways to yourself, feel guilt, keep obsessing about what you should have done, how you should have acted in a different way… You don't give yourself any breaks, only others. What is that about? One patient said the other day "Well, I have low self-esteem" as if that let her off the hook of caring for herself. It doesn't, it just sounds like something she has said many times over the years as if it is true and there isn't anything she can do about it. It isn't true and of course there are things she can do about it, that is what we are now working on, among other issues.
I have not worked with more than a few people over the years who could actually say "I care a lot about myself and weekly do something I love to do." Most can't stand to be alone with themselves. It bothers them and they think that it means they are "losers." You know what? You lose when you care more about everyone else in your life than you do yourself. How forgiving are you towards you? How careful are you to speak gently and kindly to yourself all the time?
Yes, I know the answers already. You just don't even think about how you sound to yourself, after all, no one else usually hears you talking ugly to yourself. That is so sad to me. You are a magnificent being who is here, not by accident but by design. You have touched more lives in a positive way than you will ever know. So, how about being grateful for you and giving some of that love you give others so freely – to YOU. You deserve it and it is time to pay close attention to every way you speak to yourself. I imagine you wouldn't tolerate the way you talk to yourself if a friend, sibling or parent spoke to you in that manner. However, when it comes to you, anything goes. Right? Well, now is certainly the moment to start monitoring those thoughts, those voices inside your head. First, just become aware of how you do sound. Then, begin to restate the sentence using a much kinder voice, expressing what you want to say in a loving manner.
It does take practice but you will find you are in a much better position to receive all the love that is coming towards you when you already have a huge amount of it within you. You love you and see what happens. Permission granted to give up your old ways of saying "that's self-centered to love myself." Not true. It is owning that you, at your Essence, are exquisite, no matter what mistakes (miss takes) you have made or said in the past.
Begin, loving you will reward you in ways you can't even imagine right now.
It is now and it really is time. After all, all there is is love. Let it wash over you today and every day.

2 thoughts on “Where Is Your Love?

  1. Debbie Willoughby

    I am so glad I came to your site to see if you published any more blogs posts. This one really resonated with me – it was PERFECT for what I needed today. I can't thank you enough!

    LOVE! What more is there?
    :) Debbie

  2. Debbie Willoughby

    I come back to this post often as a reminder to LOVE the most important person in my life….ME! Thank you for these words. I love the blog posts!

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